Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Wrong Trousers

Did you ever see the very funny Wallace and Gromit feature “The Wrong Trousers?” An evil penguin uses Wallace’s amazing mechanical trousers to commit a dastardly crime, but Gromit saves the day. Well, I doubt that an evil penguin is involved, but someone very mischievous and very sneaky is messing with my mind, because I clearly have the wrong trousers.

For months now, my pants seem to get a little tighter every few weeks. It took me a while, but I think I finally figured it out. Someone who thinks they are very funny, someone who is incredibly sneaky and dishonest, is stealing into my house and replacing all of my pants with exact replicas. Exact, that is, except that they are slightly smaller. Then he waits a while, and repeats the whole thing every couple of weeks. It was funny at first, but really tiring now. My jeans that fit so well last spring are now very tight. Some of my older jeans that were still tight last spring now can’t be worn at all. They look exactly the same, but they have been replaced on the sly.

Clearly this person doesn’t have a life, because they went nuts with this clever little trick for the last month or so. Every week it seemed, my pants were all replaced with tighter pairs. Sometimes, closer to Christmas, this even happened a couple of times in a week. Instead of visiting family and friends, and spending money on gifts, this person seemed to dedicate all of their time and lots of money to making sure that I have the wrong trousers.

Why would anyone go to all this trouble and expense? I tried staying up a few nights to catch them in the act, but I had to sleep eventually. Then – bam! – my pants were replaced again. Every single, solitary pair! I never did catch this clever person, this thief in the night.

But enough is enough! If it is you playing this trick on me, please stop now. If you know who is doing it, please ask them to stop. It might have been funny at first, but it isn’t anymore. I want my old pants back. I want the right trousers.

1 comment:

EllsworthME said...

Art -- I believe this is a cult or there is at least one other person tightening the pants. Amazing though, the more I exercise the less effective s/he is :) Happy New Year!