The Runners' Conversation

The other day, I poked a little fun at myself and other people of my age (and older) by writing a fictional conversation that “old people” might have. Today, I will poke more fun at myself and also other runners by writing about a runner’s conversation. When I was young, I used to get pretty tired of hearing older people dwell on their medical conditions. But now, I realize it is a pretty normal thing to do, and also that much younger people, like runners, can do the same thing at times. We runners can focus on our aches and pains at times to the exclusion of other things because frankly, they can get pretty crippling. And frustrating – since they inhibit us from doing what we want to do.

As with before, this is intended as humor only, is based on no real person’s words – including mine – and is not meant to show disrespect to any age, gender, or running style. Here is a fictional conversation of four runners: male runner 1 (MR1), female runner 1 (FR1), male runner 2 (MR2), and female runner 2 (FR2).

FR2: Hey, good to see you! Haven’t seen you in a few weeks.

MR1: Yeah, it’s been that plantar faciaitis. It’s been killing me lately!

MR2: I’ve heard that’s bad. Try rolling your foot on a frozen Dixie cup. I keep having IT (ileo-tibial) band pain off and on, and it is pretty painful.

FR2: Ouch! I had that last year, couldn’t run for months! It was agonizing.

FR1: I never had that, but I had that knee pain around my patella. I think that is similar. Boy that hurt! Brought me to my knees! It eventually got better, and I did exercises to strengthen my quads. That has helped.

MR1: Speaking of pain, I had bursitis in my hip last year. The only thing that helped was a cortisone shot, plus some physical therapy. Made me feel like I was 90 years old. I could barely hobble for a while. Hey, where’s Jill been lately?

FR2: Oh, she has a stress fracture in her foot and can’t run. She might even have to miss the race in two months. There is not much you can do about them but rest, I think. It would suck to miss that race because of it.

MR2: I thought I had a stress fracture a few years ago, but it turned out to be metatarsalgia. Pretty painful with every run for months. I finally had to rest for a while and get orthotics for my shoes.

FR1: Did you ever pull a hamstring? Talk about pain! I did that in school when I ran track. I thought my hammy would never get better!

FR2: Nope, but I tore a calf muscle once running in sand. That hurt like crazy. Hey, how is Bill’s Achilles injury doing?

MR1: Pretty bad, I hear. Every time he tries to run, he has to stop after 3 miles. It is agonizing. Man, running sure isn’t for wimps, is it?

FR1: Nope, but it sure beats the alternative – being a couch potato! Boy, my hams are really tight today, I need to stop and stretch out in a few minutes.

MR2: We’ll wait. I could use some stretching, too. I’ve been having some back spasms lately. Need to work on my core. I never take enough time for strengthening exercises.

FR2: I’ve had back spasms, too. I hate that! Plus when your muscles cramp up after a long run sometimes – that is so painful.

MR1: Listen to us! We sound like my parents!