Sunday, September 15, 2013

Rumors About Art and Team in Training

Every time I do Team in Training, rumors seem to swirl around.  Here is my response to the latest batch of 'em.

1. Did you hear that Art has retired from Team in Training and won't even be doing the Crawlin' Crab Half Marathon?  Response - clearly, people are once again confusing Brett Favre and me.  It's an easy and natural mistake to make.  Anyhow, I refute this rumor here.

2. It's pretty clear that, given his incredible athletic performances, Art is taking performance enhancing drugs just like Lance Armstrong did.  Response - I come clean in this candid and tell-all interview with famous TV personality Opera "Bats" Belfry.  Read all about it.

3.  Art is doing the Crawlin' Crab Half Marathon with a walker.  Response - No, I am doing it as a walker, not with a walker.  I may even run a bit if my sore left knee allows it.

4.  Art beat Lindsay Lohan in a drinking contest.  Response - Yeah, like that could happen.

5.  Art beat Usain Bolt in a 100 meter sprint.  Response - Actually, that could happen, and it did.  It is amazing what kind of competitive race this can become when someone distracts Mr. Bolt while I tie his shoe laces together.  I would have beaten him by even more if he hadn't run the last 30 meters barefoot!

6.  Did you know that Art is so old that he ran his first marathon trying to get away from Confederate troops at the Battle of Bull Run in 1861?  Ridiculous!  I'm not that old!  It was at the Battle of Chancellorsville in 1863!  Where do people get these wild rumors from?

7. Did you hear that Art is shaving his head for the race, except for a purple Mohawk?  Response - My, wouldn't that enhance my appearances?  Whoever started this rumor gets a "Pants on Fire" rating.  But true enough, if I hit my fund-raising goal, I will dye my hair purple for the race.

8.  Did you hear that Art has totally given up on hitting his fund-raising goal?  Response - While it looks like a long shot, it ain't over until it is over.  I'll keep plugging away until October 6 and make the call the morning of the race.

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