How to Take a Shower in 20 Easy Steps

I got a shower last night, and it sure felt great, even though it was a bit of trouble. Here are instructions for a basic shower:

1. Wrap your heavily bandaged foot over and over in saran wrap and tape it securely.
2. Tape a towel over the saran wrap.
3. Start to strip
4. Realize you can't take your sweat pants off over the towel
5. Take the towel off.
6. Finish undressing.
7. Tape a towel over the saran wrap.
8. Put a big garbage bag over your lower leg and tape securely above the knee.
9. Turn on the shower.
10. Climb in, swinging on the top of the shower door frame and nearly pulling the whole thing down.
11. Sit on your spouse's little foot bench, which is like 8 inches high.
12. Realize you left the soap and shampoo up on the shelf, out of reach.
13. Struggle back up on your right foot and put the soap and shampoo on the shower floor.
14. Sit back down
15. Wash your hair, and soap the grime away.
16. Struggle to your foot (not feet) to finish rinsing off.
17. Put the soap and shampoo back where they belong, and turn off the water.
18. Climb out, swinging on the top of the shower door frame and nearly pulling the whole thing down. (slow learner)
19. Dry off while kind of staggering around and leaning on things
20. Tear off the trash bag, pull off the towel, and remove the saran wrap

Oh, the things we take for granted! But it sure felt good to get a shower, even though the whole process took at least a half hour and was very tiring.