My Press Conference

Here is a transcript of Art’s Cancer Kickin’ Campaign’s first press conference.

“As told you in an email a few weeks ago, I am engaged in my fourth Team in Training marathon campaign, all to raise money in support of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and to support their mission of curing blood cancers. I want to thank each of you for coming to my press conference. I had tried to be included in the debate tonight at Hofstra University, but the major (and minor) networks politely declined. So I scheduled this press conference instead.”

“As a lymphoma survivor myself, it is important that I do my part in joining this fight by way of encouraging and inspiring others to donate to this cause. I want to especially thank the 16 people so far who have joined my 4th Cancer Kickin’ Team by making a donation. It is only through the generosity and assistance of others that my campaign, and ultimately the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, can be successful.”

“Now I will take a few questions. Yes, you in the green shirt, front row…”

“Art, could you give us the addresses of your TNT donation web page and blog again?”

“I’m so glad you asked that question. My TNT web page URL is

http://pages.teamintraining.org/va/cmc09/aritter

You can get campaign details and make a donation there. My blog, where you can read all about campaign updates, is at

http://racn4acure.blogspot.com/

Yes, on the left, yellow dress…”

“Art, a lot of folks don’t like to use their credit cards on the internet. Can they donate?”

“Certainly! While the LLS site is totally secure, some people will prefer writing a check. They can make the check payable to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and e-mail me to make arrangements to get it to me. Yes, in the back, red dress…”

“Art, It’s been said you’re too old for another marathon campaign. We’ve heard talk on the internet that you used to baby-sit John McCain. You’re a grandpa now, for crying out loud! Don’t you think this is beyond your capabilities and you should step aside and let younger people do it?”

“I’m not going to dignify that question with an answer. Yes, second row, in the purple skirt and white top…”

“Art, Have you decided on a running mate yet?”

“Not yet. Actually with Team in Training, the more correct term is ‘running mates’, because we always have a lot of teammates who train together for these events. When the actual team forms the beginning of November, I’ll know who my running mates will be. Rest assured, they are among the finest Americans it has been my privilege to know! And they will have all the necessary experience, drive, and dedication to get the job done! Yes, front row on the far left…”

“Art, half the people polled in the Gallup Poll say you are too conservative, the other half say you are too liberal. How the heck do you expect to get any support for your Cancer Kickin’ Campaign?”

“Look, cancer doesn’t care if you are conservative or liberal. It is an equal opportunity killer – all ages, genders, races, nationalities, and political persuasions. This is a great cause, and I know I will get people’s support. OK, the guy right of center with the big sneer…”

“Yeah, Art, a lot of people are saying you are too inexperienced for this type of campaign, and…”

“Just a second, here! Inexperienced? This is my fourth marathon and my fourth fund-raising campaign for TNT, how in the world can you say…”

“With all due respect, we are talking about curing cancer here, Art. Other than a dated, to put it politely, biology degree from Villanova, what experience do you have to cure cancer? What do you know about developing a new monoclonal antibody, for example?”

“You misunderstand the purpose of my campaign. I am raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and they fund grants to researchers to conduct cancer research, with the goal of coming up with an ultimate cure. One of the real success stories is Gleevec, the development of which was funded largely by LLS. This drug now means there is effective treatment for Chronic Myeloid Leukemia, as well as some other cancers. The Society also provides great patient services and outreach, as well as educational materials and advocacy. Neither I nor anyone donating to LLS through me can necessarily tell glucose from deoxyribonucleic acid, but we are still playing a role in the ultimate cure. And yes, I am very well experienced to play that role and to conduct this campaign! Yes, in the middle, guy with the purple Mohawk…”

“Art, don’t you think that cancer survivors are too weak and infirm to be out on the campaign trail and doing a marathon?”

“I have two words for you – no, not those two words – ‘Lance Armstrong!’ Yes, the lady in the pink dress in the third row…”

“Art, times are really…”

“I apologize for the interruption, but I wanted to add to my answer to the last question. I need to remind you, just in the 2008 Presidential Campaign, about the influence of cancer and that these people were out there campaigning away, 24/7. There was Fred Thompson – lymphoma. John McCain – melanoma. Elizabeth Edwards, the love of John Edwards’ life – breast cancer. Uh, actually, I don’t think I want to go in the direction of John Edwards. I’m just glad I’m not in his position, so to speak. Sorry, back to your question…”

“That’s quite all right. Art, times are really hard for Americans. $4.00 a gallon gasoline earlier this year. The mortgage crisis. Fannie and Freddie. Soaring credit card debt. The stock market crash. Your goal of $14,645 is really difficult. How can you raise that much money in such tough economic times?”

“Look, donations are totally voluntary. No one should donate to my Cancer Kickin’ Campaign if it puts their family at financial risk. But most people can, and will, donate generously to a great cause. And what better cause than helping to cure cancer – maybe a making a donation that helps saves your life, or the life of your child or grandchild some day? Besides, this is hard work, and I want to raise as much money as I can for this cause while I am putting out this kind of effort. Each of you decides whether to donate, and if so, how much. Yes, second from the back row, on the right there. No, the other right…”

“Someone who donates $100,000 to Obama or McCain gets instant access to a future president. Why should anyone donate to you? What will you give them, Art?

“This money goes to the mission of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society – to cure blood cancers – not to get political favors. In past campaigns, I have gotten donations of $10 to $1,000, and have been grateful and thrilled for each and every donation to LLS. However, here’s a great deal for you – anyone out there who wants to donate $100,000 to one of the presidential contenders, why don’t you go ahead and donate $90,000 to them and donate the other $10,000 to LLS through me? I bet you get the same great presidential access and favors, and you are doing a great deed at the same time. OK, last question, third row, left side …”

“Yes, Art, what assurance do we have that you will really do this race once people donate to you? How do we know you won’t just sleep in on marathon day, then lounge around in your PJ’s, slurping a latte and eating bon-bons?”

“Fair question. I’ve done Team in Training three times now, and I have never shirked my responsibility to do what I said I would do. I look on this as a trusted pact between me and my donors. They use their fingers to write a check or to make an on-line donation on my web page, and I will use my legs to race a long distance event. Rest assured, short of an illness or injury, I will be training 25 – 50 miles each week and doing the full race on the race date. That’s why my campaign slogan is “Art Ritter in ’09 – He’ll go the distance for you!”

“Thanks again for coming, and for considering a donation to my 2008-09 TNT Campaign. Thanks for helping me do my part to make a positive difference, and to help cure cancers.”